"When I won, I watched TV, mostly reality shows and televised poker tournaments. When I lost, I read modern novels with unreliable, angry young narrators. Celine and Rilke made me feel like I was in some club of colorful self-destruction. I stopped work on my novel because my narrator’s earnestness sickened me. I went broke three or four times—I don’t really remember. My friends at the casino stopped being my friends, but then I’d win again and stop feeling their pity for a while. I remember overhearing a player say about me, “He’s here a lot but he almost never wins anymore.” I did not know if he was telling the truth. On the advice of a better gambler, I decided to keep track of my wins and losses in a notebook. After two straight losing sessions, I ripped out the first few pages and used the remaining pages as an attendance log for my world history class."