Did Chris Paul’s shirt cost two dollars, or two hundred dollars?
Why is Tyson the photographer? Or is it not Tyson taking the team portrait? Wait, did something happen to Tyson? But is he safe? Tell me? OK, fine: please? With a cherry on top? Oh, all right, and he’s cool with holding four iPhones in one hand and doesn’t need any help? Really? He thinks it’s fun? What exactly does he think is fun about it?
Did Carmelo just assume he was supposed to sit at the head of the table? No, I know, no one knows what’s allowed to sit next to Kobe, but he didn’t ask? Yes, the sunglasses are scary, but even Melo couldn’t look at him? And you’re sure Russ and Kevin are just in the bathroom? They didn’t make Kobe mad? When was the last time you saw them? Positive? Promise?
Is it true that LeBron said, “Suuuuuuuure, Kevin, of course you can sit next to me. By the way, remember what happened last month?” or is that just what he texted Wes? Oh, so that’s why he’s smiling? Whoa, Wes knows about Emoji? Haha, I know, right?
But what about the peace sign? It’s sign language? You speak sign language? And you don’t mind translating? He told Anthony Davis it’s cool, you’re of age, you should order sangria? Sorry, three glasses of sangria? But he still wanted Coke? Diet Coke, huh? What’s that? Right, of course, Coke Light, how could I forget?
Hey, you like Andre’s scarf? Umm, Hermes?
The coaches, they’re at the other table drinking wine? Bug juice? No, I don’t know why it’s called bug juice, do you? They want the players to stack their plates? And the silverware, too? Surely there must be someone else who can sponge the table?
Photos by Tyson Chandler, I think, and via Chris Paul and Deron Williams.