On a Scale of 1 to 10
1. Go get a drink from the water fountain. Make it two drinks. Was it a long day?
2. Look at the scale. Why is it not centered at zero? God, it’s never centered at zero.
3. Kick the scale.
4. Kick the scale again, but harder, and also in a different place.
5. Kick the scale again, but definitely not as hard, and in a different place from the different place (not the same place as before).
6. Try to remember if you’ll be fatter than you really are, or if you’ll be not as fat as you really are.
7. Step on the scale. Do it! Just do it. Dooooooo it. Do it.
8. Look in the mirror. Keep looking in the mirror. Yeah, you. You need a haircut.
9. Oh! Oh. OK. Hmm. Wait, which one was it again?
10. Whatever, it was probably just that stupid granola bar.